Clients make my day

I saw the most delightful client yesterday who has just come to the end of her sessions with me. It prompted me to reflect on my client base over the past few years and I realised that some of my most rewarding clients have been ladies in their seventies. Now this was not quite what I was expecting, in fact my target market isn't this demographic, but I have been so surprised with these ladies.

There have been 3 of them, and all have been wonderful, accomplished, fascinating individuals. Whilst working with them I have been privileged to learn about their lives and what they have been through. All 3 went through the war in London and Essex and this has shaped them fundamentally, life really was different in those days. And the ways in which life was different has been the reason they turned out like they did and able to do so much, so talented and able. I bet they could turn their hands to anything you suggested.

I almost feel a pang when clients like these come to the end of their time with me but they can't rely on me forever and once our work is done, a client has to learn to go it alone. Maybe slowly at first but confidence will increase and the work we have done sows the seeds for improvement that continues long after our sessions finish.

Today I salute my amazing clients and the work they have done and I feel enriched for having known them.

I suppose we have to notice all that is around us and drink in the opportunities provided. All our experiences teach us something, or show us something we may not have noticed if we don't take the time to notice and reflect. This isn't to say we should go around contemplating ourselves and navel-gazing constantly! It's about mindfulness, and really seeing and experiencing rather than drifting. If I had turned my ladies away because they didn't belong to my ideal theoretical client group, I would not have learned what I did and truly I feel better for it.

A happy and fulfilled Helen is about to press the "Submit" button! Enjoy your day, I hope it is as good as mine has been.

Hypnosis Lowers Blood Pressure and Assists Surgery Success

Yet another reminder of how hypnosis helps with surgery AND with lowering blood pressure, but very close to home this time.

My husband had major abdominal surgery in November last year and unfortunately had to have the same operation again a week ago. Knowing how poorly he had been and how hard the recovery was, this time he decided to invest some time in preparing himself for the surgery, something he had not done last time.

The first challenge was to get through the pre-op assessment. He was sent home from it after his blood pressure was found to be too high, rendering him unsuitable for surgery! He spent the weekend trying to lower it to no avail. Admitting defeat, he lay back in my chair as I spoke to him for 14 minutes. His blood pressure reduced by 20 points systolic and over 20 points diastolic. This reading prevailed, meaning that he WAS able to go for his operation.

We also did some pre-op hypnosis, getting his body and mind into the right shape for recovery, no bleeding, increased comfort post-op etc. He came out of the surgery in far better shape than the previous operation, with considerably reduced pain. Everything has been far easier for him than the last time and he was able to return home quickly. One major improvement has been his ability to eat, which has also progressed a lot quicker than last time. He is up and about, feeling a lot better than he was expecting and able to eat more solid food, which is aiding his recovery.

I have the same hypnotherapy sessions on CD that I used for my husband - lowering blood pressure and pre- and post- op. Contact me if you'd like them via my website http://www.northamptonhypnosis.co.uk

Hypnosis helps surgery

One of the oldest uses of hypnosis is for the preparation of patients prior to and during surgery. James Esdaille, working in Calcutta in the mid 19th century used hypnosis where he had no anaesthetics to remarkable good effect. Patients had less bleeding, less post-surgery complications, better managed blood pressure and recovered more quickly.

This is from an email I received this week:

"The hypnotherapy sessions I had with you really helped me to deal with the whole process of being in hospital and having the operation. I saved the recordings on to my MP3 player and listened to them a couple of times in the week before being admitted and played them in hospital too. I found them deeply relaxing and comforting. Apart from being nervous on the morning of the op I was generally quite calm and accepting that I was in good hands. After the operation I had no further bleeding, the swelling and bruising have largely gone and I have been able to manage any pain with normal pain killers."

This lady received just 2 sessions with me and we recorded both sessions to CD for her to take away. The operation went even better than was expected and she is making a fabulous recovery.

Things you didn't know!

Post Traumatic Stress Disorder

If you have read the blurb on the side about who I am then you'll know that I was an Army Officer for many years. It's not something that you ever quite lose either, it stays with you and last night I dreamt about military service.

We were on an operational tour in Afghanistan and were moving from one location to another, always making camp in buildings. On the last move we had arrived somewhere where the buildings were quite broken down and we were busy trying to fix one corner where there was a hole in the wall. Leaving a couple of the soldiers doing that, I settled down to start to scribble out a plan or some orders of some sort while I waited for my commander to turn up. It was then that I realised it was already morning as I heard the sound of birdsong...

... and realised it was the birdsong of my alarm clock waking me up gently.

If you don't get easy, benign dreams like that; if you are woken up by nightmares; if your dreams intrude on your waking thoughts; if a memory of a traumatic event or time in your life plagues you, then you could be suffering from post-traumatic stress. It's not just soldiers, any stressful time in our life can have repercussions later in our lives and have the power to disturb.

If you are suffering from disturbing thoughts and memories that you can't seem to get away from, do give me a call. I am skilled in many techniques for helping you through it gently and with compassion.

Phone me on 07771 822602 or click here to go to my website for more information.

Busy time but resting!

All sorts going on at HQ HMcH. That's Headquarters Helen McPherson Hypnotherapy if you need it in full :-)

I am half enjoying an enforced rest period as I recover from a little operation on my knee. The anaesthetist was very interested in how hypnosis can be used for pain relief and for anaesthetics. I will admit that I went for the chemical versions this time! Actually I almost always do; it is hard to provide the necessary pain relief on your own, you normally need a therapist with you and have had plenty of practise.

Self-hypnosis does come into its own during dental work and other minor medical procedures. I usually drop myself into a trance and float off for a while. I believe I have fallen asleep during a root canal treatment. I should have warned the dentist on that occasion however - he suddenly got all worried about me.

The Patter of Tiny Feet

I have been so excited and busy with moving to Willow Tree that I have forgotten to post some very exciting news.

Not for me, but a client with "unexplained infertility" is now pregnant! After just 5 sessions, she conceived around the time of the 6th session, with no extra help from the fertility clinic. And this from a standing start of her and her husband being extremely depressed and upset and grieving when they first came to see me.

I feel so proud and privileged to have helped this fantastic couple. A very happy 9 months is what I now wish for them

*Beaming* :O)

Changing Memories

Can you change a memory? Well to a point, yes you can.

Sometimes, people who have been through a distressing or traumatic event would like their memory of it wiped. This we cannot do. The making of a memory involves a chemical change in the brain, and this cannot be erased.

But the mind is both incredibly intelligent and at the same time, fluid and plastic, childlike and susceptible to manipulation. Aha, this gives us a way in for therapuetic use.

The mind cannot distinguish between reality and fantasy. So over time, if memories change subtly, the mind literally does not know. It can add or take away detail and emotions. So we can use this to our therapeutic advantage.

Let's give a simple example. Someone who is good at making presentations and public speaking has very many successful speeches stored away in memory. So he or she can feel confident about the next one because all his evidence is that he is good at public speaking - all his memories tell him that. The person who is nervous or panicky about it is the person who does not have this data stored in his mind. He has no evidence of previous success to work on.

So what we can do is create some "memories" for him. We work, in hypnotic trance, to create some fantasies of successful times giving a speech or presentation. Then the mind does have some successful evidence with which to back up confident feelings. We are essentially rehearsing the event mentally. there are many ways to do this and each hypnotheapist will use which ever techniques seem appropriate to the client and the situation.

And what about Bloody Sunday? Well, as we travel further in time from the original event, the memories become less reliable. If even a tiny trace of different evidence takes root in the mind, it can change the original memory, hence the reason why so many people reported that they had been the saviour of the finger. They probably all believe it too. Have you heard the expression, "He had told the lie so often, he had almost come to believe it himself" ? It is a line that I have only ever read in novels but it speaks the truth.

Progress after Perseverence

It sounds like a chapter from "Pilgrims Progress" doesn't it!

Well I have had my patience tested over the last weeks. I started working with a teenage boy who I think it is fair to say is quite a way over on the autistic spectrum (ASD). His father describes his communication difficulties as "severe."

Anyway I started working with him a few months ago and it has been tough, for all of us I think. At the start I gave his parents no illusions of my expectation of a successful treatment. It was clearly going to be experimental and I did not know how much impact, if any, my work would have on their son. And yet over the last 2 weeks, his parents have reported distinct signs of progress. His mum was so much happier and he must surely feel happier to be going through less distress, even if he can't express it to us.

I have worked mainly with Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) using quite a lot of the "Choices" or "Alternate Phrase" technique, after Dr Patricia Carrington. I then started to blend a little eye movement therapy into my tapping sequences, from EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitisation and Reprocessing.) I worked very instinctively as we went and I had little indication of any progress.

And now, after weeks of work with both me and his parents we have some signs of a distinct improvement. I am so thrilled for us all! And I so want this to be a lasting change.

So, in this case perseverence has been key I think. Some of my clients don't quite understand this point!

Regression

Before I get on with my subject, an update on my Retreats. I am at the stage of crystallising ideas and gathering support. And the support is there. Once I have a full programme and a location then I can go to organisations for funding, such as Combat Stress and Help for Heroes. I am still very excited about it.

But what of regression? Regression is only to take a person back in their memory to a time where something occurred which has affected a person such that their current life is still affected. A faulty programme has been cause dto run by an event that happened in the past.

A simple explanation is the person who suffered the loss of their mother or father when they were young. They never quite got over it and as a result they shy away from relationships or they can't sustain a relationship due to the underlying fear of losing a person again. Thus the event cause faulty programming to never allow close relationships.

There are many healing methods that can be employed to help a person gain perspective and feel better about their past. And when that is achieved they can learn to behave in more beneficial ways today.

Regression was the subject of my CPD this month and a fascinating weekend was spent in Kings College London in the hottest weekend of the year! I suffer for my art you see! But as well as suffering I was able to nurture my inner child and unpack some of my formative experiences. What's an inner child? It's the subject of the next blog post!

New Venture

Since I was at university I have had so many ideas for business ventures. Many of them I have seen taken up successfully by others and it's a bit galling. At the moment I am on a creative streak. I have so many ideas bubbling away that I hardly think my life will be long enough to ever achieve all of them. Perhaps it's all about that period of growth that happens in the spring time.

The idea that I am acting upon though is concerning overcoming trauma. I seem to have been doing a lot of this work recently, for social services, for motor insurance companies as well as individuals.

My vision is to run a retreat for members of the Armed Forces who are getting over time spent on operational duty. In the First World War we called it shell-shock. In the second it was termed a "Lack of Moral Fibre." Instead of being shot for cowardice men were discharged with the acronym LMF written upon their records. We now call difficulties arising as a result of operational tours Post Traumatic Stress Disorder or PTSD.

PTSD gets quite a bit of publicity in relation to servicemen. No doubt the most seriously affected are being treated by the defence medical services. But not everyone who is struggling is getting the help they need. Sometimes PTSD comes on insidiously. The previously ambitious family man in his early thirties who is now listless and having too many arguments with his wife may be suffering. So too the young single soldier who is drinking too much, far too much and has taken to going out on his own at times rather than with his mates.

My retreat is aimed at these sort of people, for whom life is ok but not quite what is used to be before they returned from an operational tour. Who know that something may be wrong but can't quite put their finger on it. I am planning to run a week where guests have time to be themselves, to have some physical and emotional therapy, enjoy a few low key activities. In essence to start to recover a sense of who they are.

There is a lot of work to be done yet. I have to find a location and a house or hotel for the accommodation; the costings need to be done; I need to plan the therapies and activities; conduct some more market research. I have one colleague on board already and I think between us we can make it work.

It is a very exciting project for me and although I may have missed out on some ideas over the years, this is one that I want to make work.

Dishonesty and Psychological Reversal

Some people reckon they never tell lies. Unlikely isn't it? The magnitude of the lie perhaps has some relevance but I am sure that we all allow untruths to creep into our lives.

Most people tell lies to save themselves or others from harm, whether emotional or physical. Some people however lie in order to harm themselves.

Why on earth would anyone do that? It's known as Pyschological Reversal. Usually the mind will do all it can to protect itself and protect the body that houses it. In a psychologically reversed individual however it will act to harm itself.

Let's take someone who engages in negative and destructive behaviours. A classic one is the overweight person who knows they are eating themselves to poor looks, a restricted lifestyle, low self-esteem, bad health and potentially early death but carries on eating regardless. This person is not acting for their best interests and has reversed that mind behaviour that acts to protect.

What a perverse thing to do! Or is it?

In a pyschologically reversed person, there are deep forces at work in the mind. Essentially, the mind believes it really is protecting the person. But the way that protection is manifested is destructive to the whole. The reversed person is usually unaware of why they are doing what they do.

One fascinating case, treated by Roy Hunter, concerns a successful and career-minded 40 year old man who was overweight. He had piled the pounds on over the last 3 years and prior to that he was a healthy weight. Whilst in a hypnotic trance it was ofund out that a few years ago, he had been propositioned by a woman at work. Attracted by her but knowing that an office affair could spell the end of his career, he turned her down. Being so focussed on his career, the mind then sought to protect this competitive aspect by over-eating, to make him unattractive and thus avoid any further propositions by any women.

The mind is a powerful thing indeed.

I write on this subject today because I have a teenage client who needs to lose about 6 to 7 stone in weight (that's 98 lb for the American readers!) This equates to about a year of focussing on weight loss. After about 6 weeks of treatment I received 3rd party information that her eating behaviours have not changed regardless that she has told me different. At our next session, I knew she was lying but ignored it. Realsing she was rumbled, she failed to show up for her next session.

This is a hard one to take for a therapist. I don't care about how difficult my client finds it. I don't care that they simply can't stop eating popcorn or having midnight feasts and secretly stuffing chocolate. I don't care that it is impossible for them to eat healthy meals on business lunches. But I REALLY care if they don't tell me this. And if they lie to me, they are harming themselves. If I know how they feel, I can help them. If they tell me their difficulties, I can help them find their way round them. If they tell me the problems I can tailor my treatment to them. But why lie to me?

There are very powerful protective forces helping my teenage client stay overweight. If only she could have trusted me that bit more, I could helped her find them and change them.

Social Conscience

I have done some interesting work recently, helping adult victims of child abuse. My clients were a young couple in their twenties, with 4 children under the age of 8, who had 3 different fathers. The children were the subject of court proceedings, with the objective of deciding whether to remove the children from the parents "under the category of neglect."

Both parents had been poorly parented themselves so they had no decent example on which to model themselves as parents. The man had been badly abused as a child. So while the court case had been adjourned, Social Services were attempting to improve the parenting skills of the couple in order that they stood a chance of keeping the children. They wanted to show the court that they had done everything possible to help the parents.

Now some would say that if they were incapbable of looking after 4 children, then the couple should lose the children and they should be taken into care and looked after properly and given a better chance in life. I will admit that I had a similar viewpoint. On closer inspection, it is not quite as simple as that. Firstly, it benefits Social Services to leave children with parents because a child in care costs a fortune. To place a single, simple child with no additional needs into any sort of care costs over £400 per week. Yes, per week! Care is VERY expensive for the taxpayer.

The second reason why Social Workers like to leave children with parents is that children in care tend to do badly throughout their lives. Most of the British prison population have been in care as children. Taking children away from parents is a marker for future social problems, which have to dealt with and paid for by the state. So the arguments for children remaining with families are quite persuasive - current cost, future cost and short and long-term wellbeing of the children.

So my role was to help these two parents come to an understanding and an acceptance of what happened to them as children. The aim was that they could move on from the trauma, enabling them to lead easier, happier lives. And Social Services aim then was to help them to learn improved parenting skills, once they had more of a blank canvas to work with. Someone who has been abused as a child has multiple problems and hang-ups that they have to deal with and they can often be quite traumatic.

The man in particular had been through a hell of a childhood and really had suffered, which was affecting him day to day. After several weeks of work, both individuals were feeling much happier and calmer. They both reported a great improvement in their relationships with each other and the children, they played with the children more and were more positive and optimistic in general.

I was absolutely thrilled. To have such a result for these people was fantastic for me and so rewarding. I saw both parents change for the better over time and I loved seeing it. Ultimately I don't know whether they will keep the children. I am just glad that I could play a small part in helping these people to enjoy their lives.

EFT or CBT?

Heard of these?

Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) and Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT). EFT is the tapping technique where you tap on points of the body in order to release emotional disturbance and upset. I have made one or two blog posts about it.

CBT is based on changing the way we think in order to change the way we feel. Very simply, you recognise a negative thought, decide why it is negative and then place a positive spin on it. Practised diligently, over time and with persistence it should help by lietrally changing your mind.

There is a fundamental difference between EFT and CBT, which a client recently pointed out to me. She has worked with CBT before and is therefore used to changing negatives into positives. EFT on the other hand focuses on all the negative thoughts, brings them into consciousness and uses the tapping system to discharge them. This bothered my client, who felt that EFT is a very negative therapy.

If you compare it to CBT, then in this respect you could say that EFT does feel rather negative. But I promise you that it works because with EFT we focus on all the negative aspects of a situation until they are dealt with, processed and the negative sting has been taken away. Some parts of life ARE negative, and may not be what we would like to deal with but if we are not overwhelmed with emotion then we are able to deal with them in a positive manner.

There is an EFT method called "Choices" which I also employ, which has a far more positive feel to it. It adds in the positive frame of mind that we want to cultivate, after we have dealt with the negative feeling. For those who enjoy CBT, this application of EFT is sure to be a winner.

Want to try EFT and feel free? There's more on my website: http://www.northamptonhypnosis.co.uk/EFT.html

Being Thankful

It's too long since I regularly "blogged" and I have lost many of my friends on the journey. But that's ok, perhaps I will make some new ones. I've not been in full health and there's a reason for that which I don't yet fully understand. Understanding will come though.

Today's post is about thankfulness and mindfulness. It will strike a chord with those of you who follow a religion. To others it will sound overtly "Pollyanna-ish" and perhaps some will want to scream at me. To let you in, I have been through all of those reactions so just accept your reaction fopr what it is. That's mindfulness.

So my subject is to be thankful. There definitely is something to be learned in every situation that life throws at us. When all is going our way, we rarely stop to consider what we are learning. Perhaps that is becuase the soul is not developing, perhaps it is too easy. When life is tough, sometimes a small voice nags us to understand that every part of life is a journey and that we will be picking up experiences and learning from them. Yet when we are in physical or emotional pain or mental anguish engulfs us, then how on earth can we take anything positive from where we are?

That's when the screaming voice can take over and want to cut down any self-righteous, patronising do-gooder who looks on sympathetically and tells us to "be positive."

AAAARRRRGGGHHH!!!!!!!!!!

But if you look closely, there is an ingredient missing from the recipe and it is TIME. In the thick of it, in the middle of the fight, all you can do is protect yourself from the blows and strike out when you get the opportunity. Only later when you analyse it with your coach and watch the video footage will you be able to gain the perspective you need to really learn from the mistakes you made in the ring.

So try this now. Look backwards in time and pick a time or situation or a person which you would rather miss out if you could play the film of your life again. With the perspective of time, examine the video footage and see if you can identify the positive aspects. What did you do well? But most of all, what are you thankful for?

I would rather forget and miss out the experience of marriage to my first husband but on so many days I have reason to feel thankful for the time we spent together. He taught me to cook! To cook real, fresh food and to experiment, to not be afraid in the kitchen. I still have the cookery book he patronisingly bought me the week before our wedding - it is a firm favourite of mine.

If I take this concept further and extrapolate the effect of learning to cook, I can thank my ex-husband for my health. Ten years of eating unprocessed, fresh food has doubtless had a positive effect on my health. It is a strange feeling to thank him for that but I cannot deny it.

Finding something positive in a bad situation liberates us from the negative emotional effects of that unfortunate experience. For some people there may be much healing required but the exercise of thankfulness can be a start.

Try that today.

Emotional Freedom Technique

Emotional Freedom Technique or EFT will be the "next big thing" in my humble opinion. It is a system of tapping on acupuncture points on the body which brings about emotional and physical relief from all kinds of negative emotions and physical symptoms.

Try this article:

Surgeon Uses New Acupressure Technique to Lower Surgery Risk

San Francisco, CA (PRWEB) -- Almost everyone who’s scheduled for surgery experiences at least a few symptoms of anxiety. But while some stress is normal, patients who experience severe anxiety actually increase their need for sedating drugs and subsequent complications such as severe pain, slower wound healing, and increased risk of infection, adverse drug reactions, cognitive impairment, and longer hospital stays.

According to Los Angeles surgeon Eric Robins, MD, there’s a simple way to reduce these risks by reducing the anxiety that causes them. His prescription is EFT (Emotional Freedom Techniques), a simple do-it-yourself procedure that combines gentle fingertip tapping on key acupuncture points with focused thought.

“Stress is a real problem in health and healing,” says Dr. Robins. “but it doesn’t just complicate surgery, it actually contributes to disease. Most of the problems that send people to surgeons are themselves linked to stress, anxiety, or past traumas. I like EFT because it’s easy to demonstrate, easy to learn, works fast, and addresses an illness’s underlying factors. In some cases, it works so well that we have to cancel the operation.”

One of Dr. Robins’ patients was scheduled for surgery because she wasn’t able to void urine after a knee replacement. During her pre-op exam, Dr. Robins wondered whether emotional factors might be interfering with the function of her bladder.She answered that stress from her husband’s recent illness might be a factor. “Even though we were talking in a busy medical clinic with many distractions,” says Dr. Robins, “I taught her EFT and guided her through 10 minutes of tapping. After we filled the patient’s bladder with water and removed her catheter, she voided just fine. Five days later she was still doing well, making the surgery unnecessary. Her symptoms never returned.

”When surgery is needed, he says, EFT can reduce or eliminate pre-op nerves, reduce the patient’s need for anesthetics, speed recovery, and improve the procedure’s outcome.

Reducing a patient’s need for sedating drugs is important not only to those with drug sensitivities but to America’s aging population. According to the American Society of Anesthesiologists, over half of patients age 60 and older experience confusion and other symptoms of cognitive impairment when discharged after surgery, and three months later, over a third continue to be adversely affected. Patients undergoing heart surgery, joint replacement, or fracture repair are at greatest risk of anesthesia-related mental decline.

Gary Craig, the Stanford-trained engineer who developed EFT, has collected thousands of reports from EFT practitioners around the world. “Several describe how by reducing their anxiety, patients reduced and in some cases eliminated their need for epidurals and other drugs or procedures,” he says. “Others demonstrate how EFT speeds recovery and helps patients regain their full range of motion and resume their normal activities.”

“EFT is one of my favorite healing tools,” says Dr. Robins. “It’s the perfect complement to conventional medicine, and I strongly recommend it for anyone getting ready for surgery.”

This article cites Eric Robins, a well-respected medical doctor and author of many self-help books in the USA.

EFT is an amazing therapy, it can be used on anything and everything. I use it frequently in my practice and teach it to most of my clients, in whom I have seen several miraculous results. Hypnotherapy is excellent for adding in the positive, to encourage new ways of behaving. For deleting old unhelpful ways of living, negative self-defeating thoughts and the negative self-talk that we use, you simply can't beat EFT.

Anxiety

I had a really excellent day yesterday. My anxiety client has had a massive breakthrough. I never expect treatment to be quite this dramatic so as she finished telling me all about how wonderful she was feeling, I had to ask,"What can I actually do for you then?"

I felt like my work was finished, oh halleluyah, I love it when this happens! Actually it wasn't, there was more work to do for her. But what a brilliant session! This lady reported that all the usual anxiety inducing situations were just passing by so quickly without symptoms that she kept thinking, "Hang on, I've just done something that should have given me a panic attack." She wasn't even noticing what was happening. It was as if the anxiety had never even been there.

I think I have said this before but I got such a buzz. To think that the elimination of anxiety states really is possible, quickly, with no drugs just blows my mind. Mainly because it has such a positive effect on somebody's life.

My job is to help people to enjoy their lives. That is all there is.

Labrador

A very quick post today. The Patchwork Dog has improved it seems. The vet nurse phoned me last night to tell me that her (the dog's!) bloods were improved. She didn't say how much. So the vet is speaking to the specialist (the expensive specialist) to agree a treatment plan. So definately going in the right direction. I thought she seemed better and more lively. And the fur on her belly is starting to grow back too, in wispy little bits - aah!

Time on Time

Time is a much maligned concept in my opinion. We never have enough of it or it goes too quickly or it won't go fast enough. Time is an easy thing to moan about.

But time is wonderful too. It is a great healer when sometimes distance is all we need. Years ago I fell off a horse and injured my back badly. A year later I was still having treatment and more and more. Each treatment was more invasive than the last until I was booked for some injection under Xray. It didn't go ahead because the doctor had not returned from his holiday in California...

I then moved house and had to start on waiting lists and new doctors etc all over again. Except that I didn't bother. I just ignored my back and over time it healed. I learnt a valuable lesson then - to give the body time to heal. To leave well alone sometimes.

This works for the mind as well. The mind needs time to adjust to changes of any kind. Even many traumas can be healed with time alone. Most soldiers who have been traumatised on operational duties feel fine some months later despite having had high emotions at the time and having had no treatment.

It is something to consider sometimes. Do you really need treatment now or will you feel better in time? Giving yourself and your mind the gift of time can be a wonderful healing strategy.

Dog Days

Few people ask how I am but so many people are concerned about my poorly sick dog! So given that I have published a photo of Squeaky, here is a photo of Patchwork Dog.

If you look carefully you can see her poor chilly belly, one patch on her neck, one on each foreleg and one on the left hand rear leg. She has another patch on the other side of her neck and these two I think are just starting to grow back.

Poor old girl. She goes back to the vet on Monday and we shall find out then how much she is recovering. She's so pretty and so valuable to me. The story of Patchwork Dog and me is a longer one and I will save it for another time.

It's another "me" post today and I hope you are still following while I take a break from philosophy and therapy. Having said that...

A dog is amazing therapy in itself. If you are feeling low then consider getting a dog. They love you and need you every day, no matter how you look, what you are wearing or how you are feeling. Dogs don't give a damn about all your perceived failures in life. You don't live alone when you have a dog. I cannot recommend them highly enough. They help you to focus outside yourself. If you are depressed and live alone, the introspection often takes over and you can help yourself into a pit. Having an outside focus brings you away from focussing too hard on yourself. And dogs are quiet and non-judgemental. I can honestly say that I have never been into chatting too much to my dogs but many dog owners do and it probably works.

My second best breed of dog after labrador retriever (yellow is the only colour!) ? It has to be the Border Terrier. Sound, good-natured little dogs. Trainable, small and clean with loads of personality.

Lets hear it for dogs!

To err is human - my Angel story

"...and to forgive is divine" Yeah, yeah, I've heard it all before. We can't always forgive in reality can we? It's just not as easy as all that. So what I do is to distance myself. Then if I choose to step into the emotional space between me and a person whom I find it difficult to forgive entirely, then I am going in on my own terms. And those terms can usually mean that the error/misjudgement/deep penetrating hurt can be ignored, for that emotional transaction at least.

It's just an idea that I explored with a client this week. Perhaps it's worth trying.

I promised on a comment on the Majority of Two blog that I would write my angel story.

Some years ago I lived in Cyprus and I hated it there. I was very unhappy, far away from friends and family, my job was a tedious round of long hours whilst my companions were out playing in the sunshine, learning to scuba dive and sail. The job was ok but not how I thought it would be and the sheer volume of work was stressful. I hated where I lived and there was no immediate end to it either.

One morning I had to drive to Nicosia to take my car to a garage for a modification. There is one motorway in Cyprus, a 2 lane fast tarmac road. With a speed limit of 60mph, AARRGGHH! So I was in my new car, an Audi A3 and I enjoyed driving it fast. For fear of traffic cops I only took it to about 70. And as I came around a corner, there he was and I knew I was caught.

He was fairly nice really. Who was I? Where was I going? He realised very quickly that I wasn't a tourist and perhaps the thought of the extra paperwork for copping a Brit was too much for him. He let me off. I was very apologetic, I wouldn't do it again.

5 hours later I was on my way back to the southern end of the island. And was I driving above 60? Of course I was. I tried m'Lud, I really did but it just didn't happen...

As I rounded a different corner there was an entire posse of Police. My heart dropped like a stone. No way could I get off twice in one day, even if these ones didn't know what had happened earlier. The policeman was very nice. He leant down to look me in the eyes through the window. He asked if I lived here. Yes I'm British Forces, from Akrotiri. A long pause.

And as he stared straight into my eyes, "Why do you drive so fast? What are you running from?" Time stood still. Oh how I wished I didn't have the longest answer to that question. I felt like he could see into my soul.

He let me drive away without a ticket. When I told the story to a friend later, her eyes nearly popped out of her skull, "You met an Angel Helen. I wish I could meet an angel." I hadn't particularly believed in angels but I started to wonder.

A few years ago a friend told me she was an angel. Oh yeah, right! And then she explained that we are all angels. When we have realised who we are and the light has come on and is shining, that's when it becomes apparent. And we will know others when we meet them. There is more to this than you might think initially. It's something to just take in gently and let the seed germinate. When you need it again, the knowledge will be there.

Let your light shine.