On 29 December 2008 I wrote,
"You know that your pet is going to die before you do. You absolutely know it but to be faced with it suddenly was not funny. I really didn't think she was coming home again. And every moment with her now is a bonus, every walk is precious."
And yes it was precious, but my beautiful Patchwork Dog has gone now. A week ago we went for a walk in the morning, had our breakfast together and mooched about the house all day. At tea time, she was poorly, not eating - unheard of! Then 2 trips to the vet, a night sat up with her and she was gone. My beautiful princess dog had had to go, the old clothes not working any more, at the end of their given life.
It is VERY VERY hard. We had 20 months of her, when she had been kept alive with the skill of the vets and her medications. She'd been slowing down over the last 6 months though, almost imperceptibly winding down slowly.
Personally I have never known grief quite like this. I am a big dog lover but have never been through this before and it has thrown me. In a post a long time ago, when we knew she was sick, I promised to tell the story of the patchwork dog and me. Not right now, it is too sad but one day. In the mean time, if you want more of the story, if you click on the post labels for Dogs to the Left of the page you'll get a bit more about my dog and me, and a picture of two.
RIP Tilly 17 June 1998 to 30 September 2010.
I wonder what she was doing on Millenium Eve....?
Showing posts with label Grief. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Grief. Show all posts
Friday, 8 October 2010
Monday, 2 August 2010
The Patter of Tiny Feet
I have been so excited and busy with moving to Willow Tree that I have forgotten to post some very exciting news.
Not for me, but a client with "unexplained infertility" is now pregnant! After just 5 sessions, she conceived around the time of the 6th session, with no extra help from the fertility clinic. And this from a standing start of her and her husband being extremely depressed and upset and grieving when they first came to see me.
I feel so proud and privileged to have helped this fantastic couple. A very happy 9 months is what I now wish for them
*Beaming* :O)
Not for me, but a client with "unexplained infertility" is now pregnant! After just 5 sessions, she conceived around the time of the 6th session, with no extra help from the fertility clinic. And this from a standing start of her and her husband being extremely depressed and upset and grieving when they first came to see me.
I feel so proud and privileged to have helped this fantastic couple. A very happy 9 months is what I now wish for them
*Beaming* :O)
Tuesday, 22 September 2009
Being Thankful
It's too long since I regularly "blogged" and I have lost many of my friends on the journey. But that's ok, perhaps I will make some new ones. I've not been in full health and there's a reason for that which I don't yet fully understand. Understanding will come though.
Today's post is about thankfulness and mindfulness. It will strike a chord with those of you who follow a religion. To others it will sound overtly "Pollyanna-ish" and perhaps some will want to scream at me. To let you in, I have been through all of those reactions so just accept your reaction fopr what it is. That's mindfulness.
So my subject is to be thankful. There definitely is something to be learned in every situation that life throws at us. When all is going our way, we rarely stop to consider what we are learning. Perhaps that is becuase the soul is not developing, perhaps it is too easy. When life is tough, sometimes a small voice nags us to understand that every part of life is a journey and that we will be picking up experiences and learning from them. Yet when we are in physical or emotional pain or mental anguish engulfs us, then how on earth can we take anything positive from where we are?
That's when the screaming voice can take over and want to cut down any self-righteous, patronising do-gooder who looks on sympathetically and tells us to "be positive."
AAAARRRRGGGHHH!!!!!!!!!!
But if you look closely, there is an ingredient missing from the recipe and it is TIME. In the thick of it, in the middle of the fight, all you can do is protect yourself from the blows and strike out when you get the opportunity. Only later when you analyse it with your coach and watch the video footage will you be able to gain the perspective you need to really learn from the mistakes you made in the ring.
So try this now. Look backwards in time and pick a time or situation or a person which you would rather miss out if you could play the film of your life again. With the perspective of time, examine the video footage and see if you can identify the positive aspects. What did you do well? But most of all, what are you thankful for?
I would rather forget and miss out the experience of marriage to my first husband but on so many days I have reason to feel thankful for the time we spent together. He taught me to cook! To cook real, fresh food and to experiment, to not be afraid in the kitchen. I still have the cookery book he patronisingly bought me the week before our wedding - it is a firm favourite of mine.
If I take this concept further and extrapolate the effect of learning to cook, I can thank my ex-husband for my health. Ten years of eating unprocessed, fresh food has doubtless had a positive effect on my health. It is a strange feeling to thank him for that but I cannot deny it.
Finding something positive in a bad situation liberates us from the negative emotional effects of that unfortunate experience. For some people there may be much healing required but the exercise of thankfulness can be a start.
Try that today.
Today's post is about thankfulness and mindfulness. It will strike a chord with those of you who follow a religion. To others it will sound overtly "Pollyanna-ish" and perhaps some will want to scream at me. To let you in, I have been through all of those reactions so just accept your reaction fopr what it is. That's mindfulness.
So my subject is to be thankful. There definitely is something to be learned in every situation that life throws at us. When all is going our way, we rarely stop to consider what we are learning. Perhaps that is becuase the soul is not developing, perhaps it is too easy. When life is tough, sometimes a small voice nags us to understand that every part of life is a journey and that we will be picking up experiences and learning from them. Yet when we are in physical or emotional pain or mental anguish engulfs us, then how on earth can we take anything positive from where we are?
That's when the screaming voice can take over and want to cut down any self-righteous, patronising do-gooder who looks on sympathetically and tells us to "be positive."
AAAARRRRGGGHHH!!!!!!!!!!
But if you look closely, there is an ingredient missing from the recipe and it is TIME. In the thick of it, in the middle of the fight, all you can do is protect yourself from the blows and strike out when you get the opportunity. Only later when you analyse it with your coach and watch the video footage will you be able to gain the perspective you need to really learn from the mistakes you made in the ring.
So try this now. Look backwards in time and pick a time or situation or a person which you would rather miss out if you could play the film of your life again. With the perspective of time, examine the video footage and see if you can identify the positive aspects. What did you do well? But most of all, what are you thankful for?
I would rather forget and miss out the experience of marriage to my first husband but on so many days I have reason to feel thankful for the time we spent together. He taught me to cook! To cook real, fresh food and to experiment, to not be afraid in the kitchen. I still have the cookery book he patronisingly bought me the week before our wedding - it is a firm favourite of mine.
If I take this concept further and extrapolate the effect of learning to cook, I can thank my ex-husband for my health. Ten years of eating unprocessed, fresh food has doubtless had a positive effect on my health. It is a strange feeling to thank him for that but I cannot deny it.
Finding something positive in a bad situation liberates us from the negative emotional effects of that unfortunate experience. For some people there may be much healing required but the exercise of thankfulness can be a start.
Try that today.
Thursday, 8 January 2009
Change and change again
What did I say earlier? Change is in the air. But it IS in the air. Change is all around us, for every one of us. It is no coincidence that the financial markets have had their upheaval. It is no surprise that all around us people's lives are changing - repossessions, job losses.
But it is only change. It doesn't have to be disaster. Life might be crap for a while but it won't be terrible for ever unless you let it. And that is the key. Storms come and go, they don't last. And we don't remain in the huddle of shelter after the rain has gone. When we go through a tough time in life, it is natural to curl up, withdraw into ourselves, it is healing, we are tired. The brain needs time to take it all in and change if necessary. But if after the acute stress is over we stay curled up and withdrawn then we are sheltering from a storm that has passed. And we risk never coming out to see the blue sky.
Fire is a natural phenomena and it leaves destruction. But fire also cleanses. It leaves behind clean and open areas, ripe for new growth. The old and diseased and choked up wilderness has gone. Fire in nature is not a mistake, it is a part of the circle of life.
This week, the parents of a friend of mine lost their house to a fire. The farmhouse on their land was burnt to the ground. Nothing remains, not one thing. But they are here, they have their land which they farm and they have each other. I would be desperately upset if I were them, traumatised even. But not for ever.
I have a friend whose husband died on the same day that their second child was born. She doesn't cry every day. She's changed. She has made friends she didn't knew she had. And recently she went on a journey to Australia to see about building a new life over there. And she was surprised to learn about how much she has right here. So she's staying. The fire cleansed, leaving something else growing. Something that my friend was not expecting, had no clue about. But she recognised the need to climb out of the cave, the need to look about and search for the blue sky. Don't think that she is a Pollyanna wonder woman who is now perfectly happy without her husband. Of course she misses him terribly. But to hide herself away from blue skies and sunshine would feel so much worse.
You can stay miserable or you can take steps to look for some tiny good things in life. And as soon as you start looking, you will see them. The couple with the burnt down house have their family around them, no one was harmed and what better thing in life is that? The more you see tiny good things, the more those things expand and grow until they take over your life. And one day you forgetto be sad. And you don't realsie for a short while until you remember that you were supposed to be sad but you weren't today. And it is a surprise, a shock even.
No one knows where or when the better days are. But they are there. If you dare to notice them.
But it is only change. It doesn't have to be disaster. Life might be crap for a while but it won't be terrible for ever unless you let it. And that is the key. Storms come and go, they don't last. And we don't remain in the huddle of shelter after the rain has gone. When we go through a tough time in life, it is natural to curl up, withdraw into ourselves, it is healing, we are tired. The brain needs time to take it all in and change if necessary. But if after the acute stress is over we stay curled up and withdrawn then we are sheltering from a storm that has passed. And we risk never coming out to see the blue sky.
Fire is a natural phenomena and it leaves destruction. But fire also cleanses. It leaves behind clean and open areas, ripe for new growth. The old and diseased and choked up wilderness has gone. Fire in nature is not a mistake, it is a part of the circle of life.
This week, the parents of a friend of mine lost their house to a fire. The farmhouse on their land was burnt to the ground. Nothing remains, not one thing. But they are here, they have their land which they farm and they have each other. I would be desperately upset if I were them, traumatised even. But not for ever.
I have a friend whose husband died on the same day that their second child was born. She doesn't cry every day. She's changed. She has made friends she didn't knew she had. And recently she went on a journey to Australia to see about building a new life over there. And she was surprised to learn about how much she has right here. So she's staying. The fire cleansed, leaving something else growing. Something that my friend was not expecting, had no clue about. But she recognised the need to climb out of the cave, the need to look about and search for the blue sky. Don't think that she is a Pollyanna wonder woman who is now perfectly happy without her husband. Of course she misses him terribly. But to hide herself away from blue skies and sunshine would feel so much worse.
You can stay miserable or you can take steps to look for some tiny good things in life. And as soon as you start looking, you will see them. The couple with the burnt down house have their family around them, no one was harmed and what better thing in life is that? The more you see tiny good things, the more those things expand and grow until they take over your life. And one day you forgetto be sad. And you don't realsie for a short while until you remember that you were supposed to be sad but you weren't today. And it is a surprise, a shock even.
No one knows where or when the better days are. But they are there. If you dare to notice them.
Tuesday, 11 November 2008
Remembering - Help for Heroes
I was at a meeting on Friday where a collection was taken for the Royal British Legion Poppy Appeal. Our leader annouced Remembrance Sunday as the day where we remember those who died in the Great War. "NO!" I wanted to scream. It's not just the First World War, it is EVERY war, EVERY conflict. Every single soldier who has died must be remembered that day.
I never know whether everyone in the Army feels the same way as me, but I cannot help remembering everyone I know who has died. I remember the ones who died in traffic accidents and from illness, not just those injured and killed in war zones.
At Sandhurst, where you go through Officer training, there is the Chapel of Remembrance. It's walls are covered with the names of all the officers who have died in wars since the First World War. I used to sit in services in there reading the names and wondering which of us standing there that day would end up as names on a marble clad pillar. Some of us are there now. There is a book at the front of the aisle in which are written every name of every officer killed. Each Sunday the page would be turned so that the names would always be changing and always remembered. One Chapel Sunday I was given the great honour of turning the page. How can I describe what that sort of honour felt like?
We had to do some tough mental stuff at times. One of my soldiers was killed in a car crash. I was quite young at the time. We had just come back from an operational tour in Bosnia, it had been a good time. I had been Duty Officer that night but I hadn't been called out once and had had a full night's sleep. My radio turned itself on at 7am to the local news, announcing that one of my soldiers had been killed and 2 injured. Their names were announced. First I was in shock, second I felt sick and third I was furious. Why hadn't I been told? Why wasn't I woken up? Why had I heard this on the radio?
When I got to work I had to stand in front of my platoon and tell them that their mate had been killed. The most difficult thing I have ever done. Later I went to see the others in hospital. They were shocked and Casey was traumatised. He told me what had happened, how he knew as soon as he saw him that his friend was dead. And there was the funeral. His father was an officer, had been a soldier himself. Was totally dignified. He thanked me for looking after his boy. I told him I hadn't done anything but he knew. He knew.
My soldier's name? Mark Townley. It was 15 years ago. I had one photograph with him in it and it got destroyed in a move. There is a memory of him, but it's only in my head now. I remember Mark Townley on every Remembrance Day. I expect his parents do too.
When you are in the forces or you have been, every piece of news about them is intensely personal to you. I feel every death that is announced as if I knew them. But I also feel for the others remaining. For every death that is reported there are 6 others who have been injured. Does anyone remember them? Or even know?
Help for Heroes? They are ALL heroes.
I never know whether everyone in the Army feels the same way as me, but I cannot help remembering everyone I know who has died. I remember the ones who died in traffic accidents and from illness, not just those injured and killed in war zones.
At Sandhurst, where you go through Officer training, there is the Chapel of Remembrance. It's walls are covered with the names of all the officers who have died in wars since the First World War. I used to sit in services in there reading the names and wondering which of us standing there that day would end up as names on a marble clad pillar. Some of us are there now. There is a book at the front of the aisle in which are written every name of every officer killed. Each Sunday the page would be turned so that the names would always be changing and always remembered. One Chapel Sunday I was given the great honour of turning the page. How can I describe what that sort of honour felt like?
We had to do some tough mental stuff at times. One of my soldiers was killed in a car crash. I was quite young at the time. We had just come back from an operational tour in Bosnia, it had been a good time. I had been Duty Officer that night but I hadn't been called out once and had had a full night's sleep. My radio turned itself on at 7am to the local news, announcing that one of my soldiers had been killed and 2 injured. Their names were announced. First I was in shock, second I felt sick and third I was furious. Why hadn't I been told? Why wasn't I woken up? Why had I heard this on the radio?
When I got to work I had to stand in front of my platoon and tell them that their mate had been killed. The most difficult thing I have ever done. Later I went to see the others in hospital. They were shocked and Casey was traumatised. He told me what had happened, how he knew as soon as he saw him that his friend was dead. And there was the funeral. His father was an officer, had been a soldier himself. Was totally dignified. He thanked me for looking after his boy. I told him I hadn't done anything but he knew. He knew.
My soldier's name? Mark Townley. It was 15 years ago. I had one photograph with him in it and it got destroyed in a move. There is a memory of him, but it's only in my head now. I remember Mark Townley on every Remembrance Day. I expect his parents do too.
When you are in the forces or you have been, every piece of news about them is intensely personal to you. I feel every death that is announced as if I knew them. But I also feel for the others remaining. For every death that is reported there are 6 others who have been injured. Does anyone remember them? Or even know?
Help for Heroes? They are ALL heroes.
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