Remembrance

Have you noticed how Remembrance is assuming ever more importance in our lives over the past 5 or 10 years?

It has always been part of my life, my father was in the RAF and then I became an Army Officer in 1992. There was never a year that I did not attend a service or a parade. It does feel that there is a great deal more interest now though. Is it more part of the collective conscious now? We are 2 Gulf wars down and have suffered an appalling loss of life in a short time in Afghanistan. There is now far more publicity for the Armed Forces since they have come out of the shadows imposed by the prolonged deployment in Northern Ireland and the security issues it demanded.

When I was a young officer we had to check our cars for bombs every time we got into them; we never wore uniform in public; we never told anyone we met what we did, we made up stories about our backgrounds. And Remembrance was something for other people. Now it seems, we are VERY interested in it, people are falling over themselves to pay their respects.

I think the fact that the last of our servicemen from the First World War are dead, makes up want to hang on that bit more. A sense of spoken history is almost gone. If we haven't written down or otherwise recorded these people's stories by now then we never will and it's lost forever.

Deployments in war zones can leave mental scars. It is estimated that as many as 10% of servicemen suffer from long term effects of operational tours. It's easy to be empathetic to someone who has lost a limb or an eye but very many injuries are invisible. There are so many interventions that can help with mental trauma and PTSD. We have fantastic treatments like hypnotherapy and EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitisation and Reprogramming) that can make a massive difference to people's lives if only they knew how to access them. At this year's Remembrance service I will be specifically thinking of those who need mental help.

One last thought... We know all about the Gulf wars; we respect those servicemen remaining from the two World Wars; the Afghanistan deployment is constantly in the public eye; no one over the age of 15 can be ignorant of the struggle in Northern Ireland. Who has remembered those who suffered in a very grim war in the Falklands?

Very busy at HMcH HQ

Lots of Hs (aitches) involved there! But it seems like abbreviating things is the only way to get through all I have to do these days.

The phone has been red hot over the past fortnight and I have clients desperate to see me. So much so that it's tough to fit them all in. Tempting to book my son into a few more after school club sessions so I can accommodate them. But in a week where UNICEF has published a report condemning the British way of life for not giving our children enough of ourselves and our time, it's kind of put me off.

One thing that is not being abbreviated is my fitness sessions. My gym session with a trainer this week was so hard that I had the jelly legs and the flashbacks to my very first training session at my first unit in Germany. It was the fittest unit in the Garrison. The other subalterns had looked at me with pity when I told them which company I was joining. I was the only girl... And I was desperate after only the warm up! What a shock being thrown into circuit training with these fit young men, I couldn't quite believe how fast they were, how strong. I was a minnow in comparison. 12 years later I was diagnosed with asthma! What a laugh.

I could write something really clever now about mental toughness and how to develop it; about how to look on the surface as if nothing is a problem when all the time you are peddling like mad just to keep afloat; and about how EVERYONE is far more nervous and unsure of themselves than they look. I could write about how many of those incredible, tough, fit young men ended up crying on my shoulder. And then I could write about how many of my phone calls this week were from young men who get anxious and blush in meetings, presentations and interviews.

So what am I really saying here? That everyone gets anxious and nervous, everyone has at some time or other been tongue tied and that everyone just acts it out when they need to. So if you need to pretend, then do so. And if you get tongue tied, the person listening will have been in exactly the same place, and more than once. We're all human, all of us, all of the time.

Post Traumatic Stress Disorder

If you have read the blurb on the side about who I am then you'll know that I was an Army Officer for many years. It's not something that you ever quite lose either, it stays with you and last night I dreamt about military service.

We were on an operational tour in Afghanistan and were moving from one location to another, always making camp in buildings. On the last move we had arrived somewhere where the buildings were quite broken down and we were busy trying to fix one corner where there was a hole in the wall. Leaving a couple of the soldiers doing that, I settled down to start to scribble out a plan or some orders of some sort while I waited for my commander to turn up. It was then that I realised it was already morning as I heard the sound of birdsong...

... and realised it was the birdsong of my alarm clock waking me up gently.

If you don't get easy, benign dreams like that; if you are woken up by nightmares; if your dreams intrude on your waking thoughts; if a memory of a traumatic event or time in your life plagues you, then you could be suffering from post-traumatic stress. It's not just soldiers, any stressful time in our life can have repercussions later in our lives and have the power to disturb.

If you are suffering from disturbing thoughts and memories that you can't seem to get away from, do give me a call. I am skilled in many techniques for helping you through it gently and with compassion.

Phone me on 07771 822602 or click here to go to my website for more information.

Memory - Fact or Fiction?

The memory is not reliable. It is in no way as sophisticated as we think it is. "Facts" are remembered inconsistently, inaccurately and can be tinged with our beliefs and values.

Just take the memory of a sports match for instance. The supporters of the side who won will most likely think it was a "good game" whereas the losing side's supporters will most often remember the negative aspects of the game play.

Some years ago there were some experiments conducted where a crime was staged in front of an unsuspecting audience. During the interviews immediately afterwards, there was little consensus over how many people were involved, what they were wearing and what actually happened. There was stark disagreement over seemingly obvious details liek whether the man was wearing a dark jacket with light trousers or was it in fact a light jacket and his trousers were dark. Such inconsistencies make us wonder about the evidence given in many court cases.

In the aftermath of the Bloody Sunday shootings, a severed finger was found in the road. It had been carefully placed in a matchbox. By the time of the subsequent inquiry, no less than 14 people claimed that they had been the person who had found and picked up the finger and put it in the box. Clearly this cannot be truth. Only one person had in fact carried out this act.

So the mind and memory can play tricks on us, and it does, frequently. How this relates to hypnotheray will be explained in another post.

And, I haven't forgotten about explaining the "inner child" either!

Patience!

The ball is rolling

It's amazing what a new project can do for your general motivation. My Retreat project is gathering momentum. I feel at the moment that I hardly need do anything, like it will run on it's own legs! It;s not quite the case of course. There's plenty of work that I need to actually complete but when momentum picks up it's hard to stop, and that's a good thing.

I hope you are enjoyingthe sunshine even if, like me, you are shivering in the cold north winds.

New Venture

Since I was at university I have had so many ideas for business ventures. Many of them I have seen taken up successfully by others and it's a bit galling. At the moment I am on a creative streak. I have so many ideas bubbling away that I hardly think my life will be long enough to ever achieve all of them. Perhaps it's all about that period of growth that happens in the spring time.

The idea that I am acting upon though is concerning overcoming trauma. I seem to have been doing a lot of this work recently, for social services, for motor insurance companies as well as individuals.

My vision is to run a retreat for members of the Armed Forces who are getting over time spent on operational duty. In the First World War we called it shell-shock. In the second it was termed a "Lack of Moral Fibre." Instead of being shot for cowardice men were discharged with the acronym LMF written upon their records. We now call difficulties arising as a result of operational tours Post Traumatic Stress Disorder or PTSD.

PTSD gets quite a bit of publicity in relation to servicemen. No doubt the most seriously affected are being treated by the defence medical services. But not everyone who is struggling is getting the help they need. Sometimes PTSD comes on insidiously. The previously ambitious family man in his early thirties who is now listless and having too many arguments with his wife may be suffering. So too the young single soldier who is drinking too much, far too much and has taken to going out on his own at times rather than with his mates.

My retreat is aimed at these sort of people, for whom life is ok but not quite what is used to be before they returned from an operational tour. Who know that something may be wrong but can't quite put their finger on it. I am planning to run a week where guests have time to be themselves, to have some physical and emotional therapy, enjoy a few low key activities. In essence to start to recover a sense of who they are.

There is a lot of work to be done yet. I have to find a location and a house or hotel for the accommodation; the costings need to be done; I need to plan the therapies and activities; conduct some more market research. I have one colleague on board already and I think between us we can make it work.

It is a very exciting project for me and although I may have missed out on some ideas over the years, this is one that I want to make work.

The Tilting Universe

I would like you to read this blog entry. It is written by a lady called Jo, who is Canadian and her blog is called Majority of Two. She writes beautifully and it is a lovely blog. See what you think.

http://majorityoftwo.blogspot.com/2009/01/tilting-universe.html

Yes the universe does tilt on a sixpence and our own small parts in it can be affected by tiny chance events. Almost 20 years ago, an acquaintance said something which clinched my decision to join the Army. She was just talking about why she was joining herself, not trying to convince me, just chatting. We were sitting on a windy hill by a range flag in the September of 1991. Just a few chance remarks by a relatively insignificant person changed my life.

The direction it has taken since then has led me to the place I am now, following my life's work, feeding my soul, married to my soulmate, bringing up our wonderful son.

The name of this individual was Rebecca Taylor. We were acquainted for some years after but I don't think she had any idea of how important she was/is in my life. Becks, if by any chance you are reading then I thank you. And the people I have touched in my life thank you too.

It's still changing

You see change is not just in the air, it is everywhere. It is in us and around us, it permeates our cells.

There is a huge shift going on in the universe at the moment. And we have to shift within it. Can't you feel it? Don't you perceive it? Don't dig in your heels and try to resist it - that will hurt. Think you can stop a tidal wave? Go right ahead and try but it won't be pretty.

I can feel the change. I can feel it inside me. My own small world is also changing within the wider shift. And it's pointless to resist it. Is your life shifting? If you sit still for a moment can you feel the winds? Where are they taking us?

I have to mention that I am surprised but people are actually reading my ramblings. The blog tells me that there are no followers but one or two of you are sneakily out there. I hope you are enjoying it so far. Such pressure on me to write something interesting all the time!

Let me tell you about my job today. A client asked how long I had been doing this. She said she could see I loved it. And how? All we had done was to talk about her. I hadn't even put in any huge effort at this stage. Yes I do love it. I miss the Army too, missing it more the further it goes away from me. But how could I not love hypnotherapy? I help people to enjoy their lives.

The people who come to see me are in pain, mental pain. And that pain is preventing them from enjoying their life. Imagine walking a mile with a stone in your shoe. Ouch! The pain in your foot leads to the source of the pain - the stone. Remove the stone and you can enjoy walking again, free from pain. I help you to remove the stone. I help you to enjoy your life.

For those who are wondering, and those who have asked, my dog is improving every day thanks! She is a bouncing bundle of fun again Perhaps she will never be completely well but she is good and happy. And so are we!

Remembering - Help for Heroes

I was at a meeting on Friday where a collection was taken for the Royal British Legion Poppy Appeal. Our leader annouced Remembrance Sunday as the day where we remember those who died in the Great War. "NO!" I wanted to scream. It's not just the First World War, it is EVERY war, EVERY conflict. Every single soldier who has died must be remembered that day.

I never know whether everyone in the Army feels the same way as me, but I cannot help remembering everyone I know who has died. I remember the ones who died in traffic accidents and from illness, not just those injured and killed in war zones.

At Sandhurst, where you go through Officer training, there is the Chapel of Remembrance. It's walls are covered with the names of all the officers who have died in wars since the First World War. I used to sit in services in there reading the names and wondering which of us standing there that day would end up as names on a marble clad pillar. Some of us are there now. There is a book at the front of the aisle in which are written every name of every officer killed. Each Sunday the page would be turned so that the names would always be changing and always remembered. One Chapel Sunday I was given the great honour of turning the page. How can I describe what that sort of honour felt like?

We had to do some tough mental stuff at times. One of my soldiers was killed in a car crash. I was quite young at the time. We had just come back from an operational tour in Bosnia, it had been a good time. I had been Duty Officer that night but I hadn't been called out once and had had a full night's sleep. My radio turned itself on at 7am to the local news, announcing that one of my soldiers had been killed and 2 injured. Their names were announced. First I was in shock, second I felt sick and third I was furious. Why hadn't I been told? Why wasn't I woken up? Why had I heard this on the radio?

When I got to work I had to stand in front of my platoon and tell them that their mate had been killed. The most difficult thing I have ever done. Later I went to see the others in hospital. They were shocked and Casey was traumatised. He told me what had happened, how he knew as soon as he saw him that his friend was dead. And there was the funeral. His father was an officer, had been a soldier himself. Was totally dignified. He thanked me for looking after his boy. I told him I hadn't done anything but he knew. He knew.

My soldier's name? Mark Townley. It was 15 years ago. I had one photograph with him in it and it got destroyed in a move. There is a memory of him, but it's only in my head now. I remember Mark Townley on every Remembrance Day. I expect his parents do too.

When you are in the forces or you have been, every piece of news about them is intensely personal to you. I feel every death that is announced as if I knew them. But I also feel for the others remaining. For every death that is reported there are 6 others who have been injured. Does anyone remember them? Or even know?

Help for Heroes? They are ALL heroes.